The most practiced marriage system found in the Nepali society is the magi-bihe (arranged marriage). Magi-bihe i.e. arranged marriage in Nepali community unlike in other communities is finalized by the girl’s family when the boy’s family puts forward the proposal of marriage.
Generally, a relative acts as the middleman (lami) in marriage negotiations. The practice of comparing names by an astrologer, to see whether the proposed couple would make a good match, persists but it is done only in a perfunctory manner. Once the astrologer finds that the two people are good match, it is the job of the priests of the boy’s family to discover as auspicious date, based on the Lunar Calendar, and it remains for one to be chosen. Marriage is not done in all months of the year. In Chait (mid March to Mid April) and Kartik (Mid October to Mid November) marriage is totally avoided. Once, the groom’s party fixes the date, the bride’s parents are informed on the prescribed date, the groom goes with friends.
Brahmans and Chhetris wedding
The Brahmans and Chhetris are followers of Hinduism and its rites and rituals mentioned in the Vedas, Purans and other scriptures. Their marriages and other rituals are very complex and elaborate. Inter-caste marriages are looked down upon and cross- cousin marriages are strictly prohibited. The priest who performs the marriage-ceremony is a Benaras-educated Sanskrit-reciting Brahmin.
Matrimonial rites
The marriage is confirmed by conducting a tika talo ceremony where immediate family members of the bride and groom participate. The brides parents accept the groom as their to be son in law and put tika to the groom as well as bride amongst chants by the priest.
Another important ceremony is the Swayamvarawhere the bride and groom exchange garlands of flower and gold engagement rings. The swayamvara takes place on the wedding day or few days before the wedding day.
On the wedding day few pujas are performed at the grooms place and then the groom leaves his house with his family towards the brides house. The groom side is called the Janti. The whole Janti party is preceded by a musical band, and is received with great respect and enthusiasm by the bride’s people at her home.
The most important part of the entire wedding ceremony is Kanyadan, when the parents of the bride make a gift of her to the groom. During the Kanyadan the parents of the girl wash the feet of both bride and groom into a copper vessel or a silver vessel. Nearest relatives of the girl also wash their feet and give away the gifts they want to give to them. The groom receives his bride as a gift and whatever dowry the parents are giving for the purpose of prestige is given at this time. The groom also hands over his presents mainly clothing and ornaments, to the bride.
When the Kanyadan is completed, the bride is taken to be dressed up by the clothes and jewelries brought as present from the groom side. When she is thus dressed, she is carried outside the house into the courtyard where sacrificial fire is burning and all sorts of offerings of food for sacrifices and other articles for various rituals are in readiness. The bride and groom sit on one side of the quadrangle that is built for them to sit. They spend several hours in the courtyard performing rituals of various descriptions, sometimes going around quadrangle, sometimes worshipping and making offering to various deities like Ganesh, God of Fire, Sky, Earth, Wind and Water.
The main ritual performed here is the sindur pote which is the putting of the Vermillion powder in the forehead of the bride’s hair by the groom. Vermillion in a woman’s head is a sign of marriage; she is theoretically required to re-apply it daily with powder mixed in with the original powder presented at the wedding for as long as her husband lives. The groom also offers the bride lagan ko pote which are red, green and yellow in color.
After completing all the rites, the bride is taken to her new home with dancing musical band where she is welcomed by the grooms family. As she enters her new house she has to step on the lights placed in spaces which lead to the puja room of the house where small puja is done. After this follows few games between the bride and the new mother in law.
The bride is taken back to her parent’s house the next day or after 16 days along with the groom with delicious food. This is known as Sindure sait. They spend the night at the brides house and return the next day to the grooms house as the wedding rituals end.
Gurungs’ wedding
Gurungs have many traditional customs and usages but whenever the question of marriage arises, the cross cousin marriage is given preference. In Gurung community, matrimonial rites are observed with great fan fare as they consider wedding ceremony the most important event in life. In this community, nieces and nephews could be customarily tied in nuptial knots. In Gurung community the bride has absolute liberty to choose her bride-groom.
The boys family go to the girl’s house with even numbers of men including the would-be bride-groom with several kinds of presents including a pot of rakshi (local hard liquor). The girl’s parents, either accept the presents or return it back. The girl’s parents’ acceptance of the proposal is understood by their gracing of the presents. In Gurung community, the age differences of 5 and 9 between the bride and bride-groom is considered inauspicious.
Matrimonial rites
As the wedding is finalized the bride’s family side seeks money, goat, lamb, liquor and wine from the bride-grooms’ family. This ritual is known as reet bujhaune which means to book the girl.
In the next phase of matrimonial ceremony, the bride-groom’s family decides the date of wedding and sends it to the bride’s family with fresh fruits. This ritual is known as saipata. In case if the girl elopes with someone after the saipata ritual is completed, the girl’s family should refund the cash and kind to the boy’s family. This custom is known as jari tirne.
While some bride-grooms take away the bride with them at the very day of saipata ritual and marry within six months, others set the auspicious time for wedding after consultations with the bride’s parents within seven days. Once, the time is set, the bride groom takes janti to bride’s house with band music. Upon reaching the bride’s house, they place pot full of yogurt, sweet breads and rakshi in front of the bride, waiting at the courtyard as it is not allowed into bride’s house. Those assembled in courtyard consume them.
The Guru initiates the wedding rituals while the faily members compete in dancing and singing throughout the night. The following morning, the bride’s parents and family perform the goda dhoi (foot washing) ceremony. Next, the bride send-off procedure begins as the bride-groom parents offer presents to elderly relatives of the bride. The bride’s parents themselves with other relatives escort the bride to her new home.
Newars wedding
Ihipaa denotes various rituals and social ceremonies that are performed for Newar marriages. The rituals differ according to caste.
The parents arrange marriage for their sons and daughters. After the groom’s and bride’s families decision, the marriage is confirmed by giving 10 betel nuts along with fruits, sweets etc (known as lakha) known as Supari lane from groom’s family to the bride.
Matrimonial rites
Once the wedding is fixed a party is organized at the brides side usually a day before the wedding day. The invitees bring their gifts for the girl while those attending the grooms wedding party do not have to take any gifts. The mother gives her a box for keeping vermillion powder, and her father gives a bronze mirror while other family members give away bronze utensils on the day of departure that usually takes place the next morning of the wedding party. However, this may be arranged according to the convenience of the both the parties. The next day the groom and the janti arrive at the girl’s house. The members are entertained again with welcoming gestures along a small party where alcohol is a must. The Swayamvara takes place, this is the time when the groom puts the sindur on the girls head. As the prolonged rituals is completed by the Newari priest also known as ‘Gubaju’ from the Bajracharya clan, the marriage is concluded with a sad ritual known as ‘Gwe biu’ or betel nuts presented by bride to her family members in exchange of gifts. This is a symbolic act of giving away the girl to the new family. This is regarded as the most important and emotional moment for the girls family. She is then carried by her maternal uncle from the house to the car where groom is waiting for her to take away. The janti or possession follows the beautifully decorated car of bride-groom accompanied by a band to the groom’s house. This is the joyous moment for the groom side. They dance all the way to the groom’s house.
On the groom’s house, the bride is welcomed at the gate by her mother-in-law, the mother gives her a key and takes her into the house. Inside, a priest completes the ritual, invoking and offering food to various deities. At the end, the bride distributes betel nuts to all members of the family including the groom. This day’s ceremony is completed as the bride and groom eat ritual food from the same plate.
The day after that the bride is taken to the family deity where the family priest conducts a ceremony. The bride’s family visit the groom’s house with sweets and fruits on the 4th day, to see how the bride is being treated, which is known as Khwah soye (seeing the bride’s face).
Sherpas wedding
The Sherpa custom does not allow marriage between members of the same clan group. In Sherpa culture, the bride-groom’s elders go to the bride’s mother and ask for the girl. When making the proposal, a wooden pot-full of wine (raksi) is customarily offered to the bride’s mother as an initial ritual of the Sherpa matrimonial process. When she agrees to the proposal, and loudly speaks ‘Demzyangchhya’ three times, the engagement is made. Then after, the bride’ parents ask about the Tizyanchhya (the number of people coming in marriage procession to the bride’s house). After the negotiation completes, the bride’s family send invitation to the bride grooms’ family writing the number of people initially agreed upon to join the marriage procession, coming to the bride’s house. This ritual is called ‘Pezyangchhya’.
Matrimonial rites
The Lamas put both the bride and bride groom at one place and recite mantras which the bride and groom duochant with him. Later, ghee (purified butter) mixed with herbs is applied to the bodies of both bride and bride groom. After this ceremony is completed, the groom applies sindur on the head of the bride. The following day, the bride groom is send off with the bride amid great festivity of dancing, singing and drinking. At the bride–sending–off period, the bride groom, once again, apply sindur on the head of the bride
At the grooms place they are welcomed by the family and relatives The rice-wine (jaand) is offered to every one present. The parents of the bride and bride groom formally meet and exchange words of mutual benefits. Later, the bride’s parent is sent off after serving them with jaand and other food stuffs.
Later, the bride and the bride groom is again made to sit at a place together at their Guru Lama’s presence. The Lama offers blessing to the newly wedded couple and the bride groom offers sindur to the God and then to his bride.
To welcome the newly wedded bride, the bride groom’s family welcome her with fruits, jaand etc. The bride is made to eat prasad (the fruits andjaand) before she is allowed to enter the room.
